This post was supposed to be finished weeks ago and would have a brief symptoms update – I know that there are people on the edge of their seats, just waiting to hear all the gory details. If you are one of these disturbed people, skip on to the end – just don't forget to come back to this bit, to read my rant (sorry about the length by the way).
Ok, back again? This may end up being a bit of a soap box, and if you feel offended, I am sorry, but this is something that I have been turning over in my mind for a while now.
As I mentioned I was watching The Secret Millionaire on C4 – I don't know what it says about me and my TV habits but I do enjoy that show. It got me thinking about people doing good, to help other people. For those who don't lower themselves to watch this show, it involves a multi-millionaire leaving their expensive, comfort filled lifestyle and moving to some far-flung, run-down town, that they have a faint connection with. They typically move into a cheap B & B for ten days or so and then spend their time going round trying to find some worthy person or cause who they volunteer to help for a day or two, all the while getting to know the people who form the backbone of these social enterprises.
This particular episode involved a pensioner who has run a boxing club for the last forty years, a woman who takes homeless people and helps them out while they are in council B & B and also wants to set up a social housing renovation scheme and two men who help out with this scheme. All of these are worthy causes – the boxing club gives the young teenage boys somewhere to go and gives them some discipline, rather than leaving them on the streets in the evening. The social housing scheme is obvious, in a run-down seaside town (as this was) and the two blokes provided a lot of the organisation and muscle to get this off the ground (I think that is how it was anyway).
At the end of the show, they (the millionaire) typically re-visit the new friends they have made, reveal their secret (that they are actually a millionaire) and then write a large cheque for whichever club/volunteer they are visiting.
The premise of the show is that these people have no responsibility for the people they meet, but through their shared experience the millionaire forms a bond with them and helps their new friends – all very nice, and it does make entertaining, heart-warming TV.
But here is my point. My argument or more strictly, question is "Never mind Human Rights, what about Human Responsibilities?"
Society today is very aware of Human Rights. There is never a day goes past (well maybe a week) without some story in the papers or on the news about someone who is suing someone else over their Human Rights. Prisoners in jail, seem to whip out the Human Rights Act like some sort of Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card (sometimes literally) because they don't have energy saving light bulbs in their cell, or they don't have 24 hour-a-day access to a PS3 or hot and cold running women.
Why are there shows like "The Secret Millionaire"? Don't we all (and I know that I am definitely at fault here) have a Human Responsibility to look after others that are less well off than ourselves. I need to stress here that I am not just talking financially here, but inevitably money does come into it. I am talking about more than that.
Why do we see adverts on the TV for a charity running a Home for Retired Aardvarks in Outer Mongolia, when there are people here in the UK who are stuck at home because they don't have anyone to take them out, even to the supermarket, never mind to the pub for a drink.
Why do we feel it is ok to spend thousands of pounds on a bigger plasma TV or laser eye surgery or breast implants, when we neglect the people in our own streets and towns?
Why, as a society, are we hung up on the rights of a man (person) in jail (of course they do have rights), when they have, at best, completely ignored the rights of their victims and at worst maliciously destroyed the rights of the victims that they have beaten, raped or murdered. Maybe I am being obvious, but surly being murdered would be a breach of your Human Rights.
We are friends with a young man – he is a teenager, and lives in foster care. The boy that he shares a room with, also fostered, is a druggy and either spends his day smoking (sometimes cigarettes) and steeling bikes - he stole a bike to give to our friend as a birthday present- strange sense of loyalty. Our friend has no idea where this bike came from!
Let us call him Jemima to protect his identity. He was abandoned by his father when he was about five. His mother lost the plot (and her marbles) about two years ago and chucked him out of the house. His grandmother also has a history of mental illness. After two years in foster care his grandfather agreed to take him and care for him. This was acceptable both to Jemima and Social Services. Arrangements were made and all was going smoothly. Suddenly his Step-Grandmother backed out on the pretext that both his mother and (real) grandmother were mentally ill and that he may inherit this "condition" and that this may adversely affect her five-year-old (Jemima's step-uncle I suppose).
There is absolutely no reason to think that this is even likely to happen – you would be hard pushed to meet a more normally balanced teenager, considering the rejection this bloke has suffered - but this woman was selfishly thinking of herself. Of course there are two sides to every story and this is only one side of this one, so I shouldn't judge, but still…..
I think we live in a selfish society – I know I see it in myself, and try to fight the signs daily. Everything is about "Me, Me, Me!" We want the newest, biggest, loudest, shiniest thing, and it definitely has to be newer, bigger, louder or shinier than our neighbours' thing. Everything we see in the papers or on the TV says to us that "I am more important than you – so up yours, mate".
We live in an "EastEnders Culture". Everything is a drama, even buying a pint of milk. The day is not complete if you have not fallen out with someone, bad-mouthed them to everyone you meet (including the people you bad-mouthed yesterday) and had a go at them across a crowded pub. Life imitates Art and you can see this in society today.
My daughters fall out with their friends over the most trivial of incidents. This happens and the kids just need to get on with it – they will probably have forgotten about it by bed time. The parents however feel the need to get involved. More than once we have had parents phoning us up because one or other of my daughters has fallen out with their precious Jeanie. When the crime is investigated I guess that my children are at fault about 50% of the time – almost always the other parents don't get the full story from their offspring in the first place, and even fewer of them will accept the full truth when presented with it. If I find that my child is at fault then I will get them to apologise and put it right. If they are right, I encourage them to forgive their friends. But why do the parents have to be involved at all? (EastEnders!)
Here is a thought. Wouldn't life be better if we all though "You, You, You!" instead? I am not suggesting that we all become a pushover and give way to anybody who shouts louder, but there are two sides to every argument, and maybe, just maybe, the other person may be right (or more right than you) or even just less wrong.
Everything seems to have to be someones fault. The cracks in the pavement are the fault of the council, but people don't want to pay the increased council tax that pays for the upkeep. The cups in Starbucks have a warning about the temperature of the drink, in case someone gets scalded and sues the company. There are stories in the paper or on the internet about Outdoor Activity Companies going out of business because they can't afford the indemnity insurance they have to have in case some blond bimbo goes abseiling and chips her nail polish (ok, maybe that is a bit harsh).
People need to be real. If we want shiny new roads, we have to pay for them somehow. If we don't then social services has to be cut, or libraries, or care for the elderly or some other service. If you buy a coffee, it will be hot. If you go abseiling, you may get hurt. Deal with it!
People get bitter and twisted about the tiniest slight against them – all the "no win, no fee" lawyers encouraging people to sue for the smallest injustice. Things happen! Most people are just trying to get on with life, and don't mean you any ill will.
I suppose this is the point. The next time you get into an argument/dispute/discussion with a colleague/neighbour/relative, stop and think about their point of view – they could be right (unlikely, but you never know).
You could take it a step further:
You may be right this time, but why not give them what they want anyway? I would put money on the fact that you will only have been right 50% of the time, so you probably got your way when you were in the wrong at some time in the past, and it never hurts to store up some good will for the future.
The thing about this is that you have to do it gracefully - and I am not talking about Strictly Come Dancing here. Don't make a fuss about it; don't even mention it, Just Do It™.
I am a Christian and so I do take my guidance from Jesus. There is a story about a woman who commits adultery. She is about to be stoned to death for this crime. Jesus steps in and challenges the prospective stoners that they should only throw stones if they have not sinned themselves. One by one the crowd disappears until no-one is left. Maybe this story applies to each one of us too. Are you one of the crowd, about to chuck rocks at someone unfortunate enough to be caught, because don't kid yourself. The only reason that it is the other person and not you is that they were unlucky enough to be caught. Each one of us should have been in the centre of the circle for something or other.
I know this is not very coherent and I know I am not going to change the world with this post – but it would be nice to think that someone is affected by this in some small way. I am not saying that I have everything right. I see many of these things in myself every day, but I like t think that I fight them fairly successfully. Maybe I am just deluded though J
End of Rant
So here are the symptom highlights. It is the end of cycle two. I am not taking any regular medication at the moment, but I am gearing up for the start of the third cycle next week. I am due to have blood tests on Monday morning and I am back in the hospital again on Tuesday for the third Oxalyplatin drip. Last time my appointment was late and I ended up as the last patient in the unit, sitting twiddling my thumbs while the toxic liquid dripped into my veins. This time I am due in just before lunch, so hopefully I will be back home in time for Doctors after the BBC news (only joking – I watch 60 Minute Makeover on ITV, not BBC).
*** Gory bit ***
I have been troubled by the same sort of thing as last time around – my bowl doesn't know when to go and when not to, so I swing between rushing to get there in time and not going for weeks at a time (well days anyway). Apart from that I get tired still. Last Monday after swaying in the breeze as I stood in the shower I decided that work would not agree with me that day and decided to stay at home. I phoned in to work at around 8.00 and was asleep again by 8.05.
*** End gory bit ***
Update
Because of my tardiness in posting this, it is now the middle of cycle three. For more details about the end of cycle two see the intervening post. The thing I have found hardest this time is the length of time it has taken me to get over the symptoms. It has definitely taken longer. During cycle one and two I would say it too thirty six (cycle one) to forty eight hours (cycle two) to get over the pins and needles. This time is too almost a full week before they disappeared completely. I am much more tired than I have been and for longer too. The symptoms are the same; my body is just less able to fight them.
I guess that we knew that it would be this way. The drugs are cumulative, so each dose adds to the cocktail of poisons swirling around in my blood. I guess it means that Christmas will be quiet this year. The only ray of hope is that it all finishes in January. Just hold on to that thought….
