So the time has come for me to retire gracefully from public life. I have finally taken a bold step and have stopped working. I now have four weeks sick leave, which will probably be extended after that time has finished. I now have to find thinks to fill the void which stretches before me.
I think it was right to keep on working, particularly at the start, but equally so, I think that the time has come for me to finish working (certainly for the time being), hence I officially stopped work last Friday.
I have now had two days sick leave, which seems bizarre since for those days I felt as well as I have for a while. Those two days were right at the end of cycle 2, at the end of the week off. This means that most of the worst symptoms and side effects are minimised and I felt OK (I am actually writing this in the hospital on the first day of cycle 3).
On Monday I spent my day on Facebook, before spending a few hours playing Civilisation V (a relatively new game I have).
Yesterday I spend about an hour and a half on a video call to work - even after stopping work, I can't seem to get away! After that I cleaned out the garage, went to the rubbish tip and then collapsed after doing too much. As it was Shrove Tuesday, pancakes were duly made, which did revive me and then we spent the evening chatting with a friend who was visiting from Newcastle.
Tomorrow I am taking the car to the garage for its MOT and on Friday all the kids are home again at lunchtime (no school in Scotland on a Friday afternoon). so for a week of doing nothing, I seem to have managed a fair amount - well relatively speaking anyway ;-)
I think I might give up drugs for Lent - on the other hand maybe since I have given up work, that will count.....
I received a few comments after the last post, commenting that it seemed more down-beat and not too cheerful. That was not deliberate and I think that I have been fairly up-beat for most of the treatment. I was however, writing that post at 5 in the morning. I don't think that many people would be at their most cheerful at that time of the day.
In general I find the process of writing a blog entry cathartic. In some ways it is a cleansing experience, writing details that I would not necessarily be comfortable talking about (and lets face it, people would necessarily be comfortable hearing about in person).
One thing occurred to me as I went through the process of being signed off. I have probably been at a disadvantage because I still have my hair! I think that people underestimated how much of an effect that the chemo has, because I still have my hair - and look relatively normal. I may have put on some weight, but in the grand scheme of things I still look relatively normal. On the other hand, if I had lost my hair, I think that people would not have been surprised when I went off sick and would probably have been urging me to do it sooner rather than later.
I am sure that I have said it before, but this is much harder than the previous chemo that I had a couple of years ago. I don't know if this is because I have a harsher drugs regime or because my tolerance is lower second time around. I suspect that it is a combination of all of the above.
One new side effect this time is that over the last two weeks I have come out in acne. i feel like a 15 year-old again, with new spots erupting on my face every day - it does make me feel for them. of course mine will disappear when I stop the drugs while there will carry on for another three or four years, but still.....
I think that is all I have to say at the moment, so rather than bore you any more I will finish on a high.
god bless
Graham
(edited to korrect all the speling mistakes)
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